Something about 69 brings back memories of that health class in middle school or a group of teenagers giggling over “80085” punched into a calculator. (ICYMI it spells boobs.) And the truth is, the position does have a rep for being awkward on many levels. (I put my what down where?)
I mean, hitting your own O is hard enough when it’s just your partner going down on you—but when you have to take care of them simultaneously? LOL.
Still, it’s not a totally lost cause. Here’s how to 69 and actually make it sexy.
So what are the basics?
How to 69: Have your partner lie down, flat on their back. Then climb on top, so you’re facing away from your partner. Your vagina should be lined up with your partner’s mouth, and their genitals should be lined up with yours. Alternatively, try it in a side-by-side position.
Now, how do you make it even hotter?
Don’t take it seriously.
The trick to 69ing like a pro is to have fun with it, says board-certified sexologist Debra Laino. Keep it relaxed and sensual. For example, have your guy lie on the bed so that his head’s hanging slightly over the edge. Stand on the floor over him, and as you kiss and massage his upper half, slowly crawl your way down his body until you’re both in position.
Don’t forget: There’s plenty more body to explore as you’re going down on each other, says Carol Queen, Ph.D., staff sexologist for Good Vibrations. Not only can your hands pleasure the other hot spots surrounding his nether regions—such as his testicles and perineum—but they can also be put to good use when your mouth needs a breather.
Turn it into a sensual experience.
Sensate focus exercises, which require couples to focus on the sensation of being touched, are often used to help people reconnect in the bedroom, says Nan Wise, Ph.D., a licensed psychotherapist and certified sex therapist, and author of the forthcoming Why Good Sex Matters.
The gist of it is that by focusing on how it feels to be touched in certain ways, the pair has a better understanding of what turns them on, ultimately leading to better sex. Put the concept to use during 69 by focusing deeply what it feels like to touch and be touched, says Wise. Take a moment to trace your partner’s spine, or the curve of their butt, instead of just going after it.
Bust out a vibrator.
“Giving cunnilingus in this position can be awkward,” says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First and Passionista, no matter how many pillows are involved. Keep a small vibrator handy or tell your partner to stimulate the vulva in addition to tongue action, he suggests.
Go ahead and take sides.
If you’re planning to make the 69 position your main event, the most comfortable way to do so would be for both of you to lie on your side, says Laino. You won’t have to worry about muscle strain or limbs landing where they shouldn’t, and you can use each other’s thighs as a pillow (a thillow, if you will) to keep neck pain to a minimum. Win-win.
Switch it up, orally.
Don’t get stuck in a rut with your BJ skills, says Laino. In this context, go-to moves are not your friend. Go slow, go fast, go in circles, go in long strokes, change up the pressure and suction—try and create a unique experience every time. Also important? Having fun with it, Wise says: “The hottest blow job is when the woman is really enjoying the sensations from the blow job herself.”