Finger banging is an underrated art. When done right, it’s incredibly hot. But whether you’re new to sex in Delhi or an unofficial vagina expert, fingering can be incredibly intimidating — everyone has different preferences, and hey, anatomy is complicated.
They say sex is like pizza: When it’s bad, it’s still good. We beg to differ, especially when it comes to sex with your hands. For the most part, dry, fast, and furious fingering does not feel pleasant. But wet, built-up, and conscious use of hands on pussy? Oh yeah.
If you’re new to this type of sex, it’s important to choose partners that are understanding and supportive of your hand virginity. Be honest that this is new to you to create an atmosphere of communication and understanding. And no matter how many times you’ve done this, it’s still important to replicate this environment with each new partner (like we said, everyone’s different). That said, it’s also helpful to establish a baseline of fingering skills. So here are nine tips on how to finger someone in a pleasurable manner.
Turn them on.
Fingering can be uncomfortable if the receiving partner is not properly aroused, since vaginal lubrication is key to comfortable penetration. While everyone (and every situation) is different, tantric sex coach Devi Ward says to give those with vaginas 20 to 45 minutes to reach full arousal.
So while foreplay (sex acts before penetrative sex) often includes fingering, to be an expert at sex with your hands, think of fingering as another form of penetrative sex, and tack on the foreplay before inserting fingers. Kiss, caress your partner’s breasts, touch their inner thighs, or do whatever works for them to create a state of arousal.
Don’t be scared of lube.
Foreplay can get someone wet, but there are many factors that affect vaginal self-lubrication. Women going through menopause experience vaginal dryness due to hormone changes; anti-estrogen medications used to treat endometriosis can also create vaginal dryness; and some report vaginal dryness as a side effect of anti-anxiety medications. Vaginas can be finicky. Sometimes, even with no medical explanations, they just don’t get as wet as you (or your partner) would like. Thankfully, you don’t need to rely on natural lubricant, because there are plenty you can buy.
Of course, there are people out there who stigmatize lube based on an unrealistic expectation that all vagina-owners should be able to lubricate naturally at all times. But here’s the truth: Lube makes sex more pleasurable for lots of women, regardless of their age or medical status. So if you or your partner needs it, get some and enjoy. Getting over your own fear of lube is worth saving your partner from a chaffed vagina.
Prior to penetration, break out your DJ-ing skills and take two fingers (your index and middle) and flatten them like a DJ would on a turntable. Then, gently use your fingers to rub your partner’s clitoris in circular motions, increasing speed and intensity gradually.
In addition to the hand motion, an Usher greatest hits playlist probably isn’t a bad idea, either.
Start with one finger.
After your partner is turned on, properly lubricated, and had their clitoris nicely rubbed, it’s time to proceed with penetration. Start out small, with just one finger, and slowly insert it into their vagina. Use whatever finger you (and your partner) feel most comfortable with, but the best bet is the index finger or the middle finger. Think of the first finger as part of the intro to fingering, and slowly glide in and out while increasing in speed to tease your partner.
Add another finger.
When your partner is ready (the best way to tell is to ask them), and the vagina is wet and opening readily with one finger, move on to two fingers. Using your index and middle finger, stroke your partner’s anterior vaginal wall (the front wall of the vagina). While in-and-out motions (like the kind a penis does) can feel wonderful, you can also chill inside there for a bit and try out different motions. Make sure to ask your partner what they like and don’t like.
Use both hands.
You don’t have to stop DJ-ing once the penetration begins. After you’ve gotten both the DJ and penetrative motions down, try them in combination.
While moans are usually a sign your partner is enjoying the digital sex, there’s only one sure-fire way to know: Ask them. Get specific. Is one finger enough? Do they want more? An entire hand even? Are you DJ-ing too hard or too soft? Is the clitoral stimulation becoming too intense, or are they close to orgasm? Communication is key to successful sex, so make sure to check in with your partner throughout your fingering journey.
Explore other areas of their body.
Once your hands are inside of your partner, you don’t need to be actually fingering them or rubbing their clit for the entire sexual experience. The vaginal walls and clitoris are sensitive, and your partner may want a break. (But again, communication is crucial, because if they are about to come from having their clit rubbed, you don’t want to jerk your hand away.)
Sometimes, pulling fingers out of a vagina, and taking a moment to put them back in, can feel super good, as it creates arousal in a hey, I want that back sort of way. While rubbing your partner’s clit, try taking your other hand out of their vagina and reaching up to caress their breasts or pinch their nipples (depending on what they’re into).
Keep your fingers tidy.
It’s good manners (and more importantly, good hygiene) to wash your hands before placing them inside somebody. Plus, shorter nails just tend to feel better on vaginas. To avoid cuts and abrasions, keep your nails trim and tidy. This is especially important if you plan on following fingering with sexual activity that involves the exchange of bodily fluids, since vaginal tears can increase the risk of STI transmission (lube can help here, too).
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